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Instead of you being his sanctuary and escape, you become a person (or vibe) that he wants to escape from.

Instead of him feeling like your presence fills him with joy and peace, he will feel like your presence drains him of joy and peace. I don’t point this out to blame you or make you feel bad. This is good news because I’m telling you: This is 100% under your control.

You don’t feel like you’re walking on eggshells, worrying that you might screw something up. You don’t feel like you’re suffocating, wishing and hoping to finally get some sweet relief and get to breathe. In fact, you never even think about possibly losing them because you don’t feel you need to possess them in order to experience the love you have for them. Yes, popular songs it sound like it’s supposed to be. But movies and music are wrong, love is meant to be effortless and easy. Why is breaking your fixation essential to having success in your love life?

OK, so I talked earlier about what fixation feels like and how it’s the biggest warning sign that you’re trying to have a relationship with a bad match (that is, a match that isn’t going to work out in the long term and will drain your life, heart and soul until there’s nothing left…).

They observe if their connection to the other person feels like love (good) or obsession (bad).

If it feels like obsession, they drop it like it’s hot.

MORE: How to Have a Healthy Relationship This simply is not true.

If a relationship with someone makes you feel bad, that is your mind screaming, “This person is incompatible with you! ” If a relationship feels like suffocation, that’s a huge clue that you’re not in a relationship with someone who’s compatible with you. In a good relationships, everything just unfolds effortlessly (well, 99% of the time within a good relationship is effortless with the occasional 1% of the time where you have to put in effort to make sure things stay in a good place).

Granted, even good relationships have a little bit of fixation mixed in with them (I must emphasize a little bit), but it is only during very occasional occurrences like arguments or when one or both partners are stressed.

In general, though, compatible people have very little, if any, fixation in their relationships…

People who have good relationships observe how they themselves feel in a relationship with another person (whether it’s a lover, a friend or a co-worker).

However, I didn’t explain the incredibly damaging toll this takes on the relationship having a chance.

QUIZ: Are You Accidentally Sabotaging Your Love Life?

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